Axis
by a red burn
Summary: Somewhere in the chilling darkness she caught a glimpse of light -- MS- Second chapter updated!
1. Chapter One

Axis  
  
Author: Andréa  
  
Spoiler: Fall Out  
  
Summary: Somewhere in the chilling darkness she caught a glimpse of light.... Or the summer after Sam got shot. *g*   
  
Category: Romance, angst.  
  
Pairings: Martin/Samantha. Hints of Jack/Samantha.   
  
Disclaimer: They do not belong to me. The sentence I used in the summary does not belong to me either. I took it from The Pretender. I just thought it fitted this fic well. Some lines were stolen from few episodes, I just can remember all of them now, so I won't name any.   
  
Author's note: Just wondered what happened in the summer since after that Sam and Martin seemed to be much more close and friendly so I decided on doing this fic. Also I didn't watch Fallout *ouch*. Any mistakes concerning this episode you'll have to forgive me.   
  
And most important, English isn't my first spoken language. Do not kill me for the grammar mistakes and such, but say: 'you're forgiven.' *g*  
  
Enjoy if you wish.   
  
And don't forget to review. But please, no flames. I seriously don't need that. If you don't like my work, then just don't review it. Unless it's really necessary or a constructive criticism.   
  
And Lia, thank you for beta reading.  
  
~*~  
  
She felt dead.   
  
She felt rotten, low, and lost. She had gone to a dark and cold place, a place where no one should ever go. A place where all of your hopes were suddenly ripped from you. A place where there were no lights to guide you through the way or a friendly hand to pull you up.   
  
The moment the bullet perforated her delicate skin, she felt her world spinning and fading away. Felt her life being sucked from her. She saw with her tired eyes- the shadow of death hovering over her body, just waiting for her to give in and take her soul to the depths of nothing. Heaven or Hell, she could not say where she would go to, and maybe that was one of the reasons she never gave in. She didn't want to go to a place she didn't know.   
  
She felt as if someone was perforating her leg with a burning hot jackhammer. The pain was so much that it got to the point where she didn't feel anything at all. Where breathing was difficult and tiring to do. She could not make any senses around her or distinguish her surroundings. It was all a blur and so confusing. Then she felt strong arms around her. Jack's arms. Oddly enough, she didn't feel safe like she should've felt, his arms weren't protective and comforting like they used to be. They didn't give her comfort enough to feel relieved and calm. They only seemed to be 'the arms that took her from there'.   
  
And it was scary.   
  
She had needed Jack so much in so many ways. Whenever she felt down and needed someone to comfort her Jack was the person who did that. He brought a smile - even if small - to her lips. For someone who didn't have too much happiness in life, all the short moments spent with Jack was like Heaven. He was the one she could hang on to, the one she could always count on. She knew he would always be ready to help her if she needed. And truth be told, she needed him more often than she wanted.   
  
And it was scary to feel as if she didn't need him anymore. To feel as if he couldn't comfort her anymore, he shouldn't be the one to comfort her. While he was Jack, he was only Jack. Strange how you need a traumatic event to make you face life, the way it should be faced. Ridiculous... it should be easier, but then, what fun would be to just live life easily? She should take chances, that she knew. She should take a gamble now and then, to risk once in a while. But with the job she had, taking risks was enough. She didn't want any more excitement.   
  
How stupid...   
  
Now she lay in a hospital bed, white and sterile sheets and rooms, smelling of the harshness of disinfectant. She felt as if she was suspended in a warm bath of repose, where she saw nothing, felt nothing. Maybe it was all the medications the doctor had given her. She wanted to take the I.V. from her arm, kick the sheets way and run away. If she wasn't in such a debilitated and weak state she would have done just that.   
  
The pills she had taken a few minutes ago were finally having an affect on her and instead of fighting against these affects like she had done in her first few days in the hospital, she gave in to the medication, closing her eyes and letting sleep fall over her.   
  
*  
  
He hadn't visited her even once.   
  
He had spoken to her in the ambulance and seeing her in such state was enough to break his heart and stop him from seeing her again. It was the first time he saw Samantha Spade crying, and it would probably be the only time. She was so disturbed, and a small shell of herself. He had to try really hard to keep himself from enveloping her in his arms and soothe her right there. He wanted to tell her that everything would be fine. He had a job to do and at that moment, even if he didn't agree, he needed to ask her a few questions about the same thing that caused her all the pain he didn't want to testify.   
  
He had promised himself he would talk to her later. Really talk to her, friend to friend, no work topic related.  
  
But he didn't have courage enough to face her.   
  
He was afraid of seeing Samantha hurt and weak. Deep down he was glad to see her cry because it remembered him she was only human; she had all the same feelings he did. She could get hurt and worse, she could die like anyone else. But it was only once and he would definitely be glad if he didn't have to see her hurt again. So seeing her cry wasn't what really bothered him, but to see her in such painful state when he could do nothing to help her.   
  
There was so much blood, he thought, she would die before getting to the hospital and the thought only increased his despair. Resting a soft and warm hand on her forehead was all he could do to comfort her. He truly hoped it was enough to comfort her.   
  
As he stood in front of her hospital room door, he wasn't so sure if he should see her anymore. He hadn't even called to talk to her in person and now he didn't know what would be her reaction. He hoped she was sleeping so he wouldn't have to heard her soft voice, to hear her asking what he was doing there after so long. This would only break his heart even more. After an entire week of Sam's stay in the hospital only now he had gathered the courage to see her because, deep down he knew, maybe after all this time she would look a lot better than the last time he saw her.   
  
Deciding to do this once and for all, he opened her door very slowly, so if she was sleeping he wouldn't wake her up. At the light sound of the white door, she turned her head and her eyes immediately found his. Martin took a few steps inside the bedroom and uncomfortably stood near the door, fumbling with his hands and feet, not really knowing what to do with them.   
  
"Hi." He finally said, breaking the silence. She kept staring at him for a few more seconds then sighed heavily and turned back to look out of the window. He stood there, embarrassed by her attitude and the thought of just turning and leaving the room ran in his head, but then he remembered this was Samantha and after going through what seemed to her like a totally embarrassing moment in that ambulance she would act like that, trying to put up again her tough girl façade.   
  
She shifted uncomfortably, trying to find a better position without moving her sore leg, but since all her movements seemed to end up in that same leg, she had to handle the bad position, knowing she would definitely feel a back ache later.   
  
Martin stepped closer and gingerly and slowly took the pillows in his hands to arrange them on her back. In silence he helped her to sit a little more up and get more comfortable. She still didn't look at him, kept her eyes down on her hands as if they were interesting to look at. Martin stuck his hands in his pants pockets and bit his inner cheek, then he decided on starting a conversation.   
  
"How are you...." And in the middle of his sentence he stopped. Everyone had probably asked her that a million of times and he knew how angry she got when she had to repeat herself over and over again. She was probably tired of saying her trained lie that she was ok. "Does it hurt too much right know?" He asked instead.   
  
She sighed and finally looked at him, even thought for a moment and he was grateful for that. "No. They stuck pills down my throat and gave me a few shots. I'm so drugged I can barely feel my tongue." She complained and Martin was glad to see she wasn't so bad anymore. "God, I hate those shots..." She mumbled under her breath, almost imperceptible and he'd have laughed at that if it wouldn't hurt even more her already hurt ego.   
  
"Your tongue seems to be working pretty fine to me." he played and pulled a chair so he could sit beside her.   
  
She shook her head as a smile slowly crept over her lips. She didn't know if she should be glad Martin had finally visited her or if she should be angry with him by not visiting her before. While she wanted to kick his ass until her foot hurt, she wanted to embrace him and thank him for coming to see her. So she just kept silent and didn't say anything back to him. She didn't know if when she opened her mouth something bad or good would come out.   
  
"I'm sorry I didn't come before."   
  
"That's ok." She said before any other words could leave his mouth. Though she didn't want to seem mad, her words were bitter and held a hint of annoyance. But she knew that most of her anger was to herself because she just couldn't find out why she was mad he hadn't come before. He hadn't visited her when she was really feeling bad, when she really needed someone to hold her hand.   
  
She couldn't understand why having Martin with her, holding her hand was what she wanted instead of Jack's hand clasping her tightly for a brief second. She was so doped she had even thought it was Martin and not Jack. She thought later that the affect her body was having because of the bullet, the fever she was feeling and the drugs they gave to her were all the ones to blame for thinking so much about Martin. It was stupid and she didn't know why she had him in her mind. But it would go away eventually, she was sure of that.   
  
Yeah right, she heard that annoying little voice in her head.   
  
Martin ran a nervous hand through his hair and stared at her. "When are you leaving?"   
  
"The doctor wants to keep me here for a few more days to make sure I won't get any serious infection. I think I'll be released by the end of this week."  
  
"Ok, I can come pick you up."   
  
"It's not necessary." Again, she spoke before he could say anything else, her words bitter and slightly angry.  
  
"Look, I'm sorry I didn't come earlier, ok?"   
  
"I don't really care about it."   
  
He sighed deeply. He wouldn't argue with her, neither of them needed that, especially her. She couldn't get stressed; this would only do her bad. "Do you have anyone to stay with you while you need to stay home?"   
  
She bit the very edge of her bottom lip - what seemed sparkling cute to Martin - and stayed mute for a couple of seconds, or maybe minutes because time passed without her saying a single word. She twisted the hem of the sheet around her finger, playing with it and then she finally let out a breathy and annoyed, "No." She looked at him half expectantly; half scared of what he would say and his next words caught her completely by surprise. Not what she was expecting, that was for sure.  
  
"I bought these on the way here." He smiled softly and took a small plastic bag from the inside pocket of his blazer and handed it to her. She hesitantly took it from him and opened the bag to take a peek inside.  
  
"Chocolate?" She whispered. "Holy Sweet Lord." She murmured and ripped the metallic paper that enveloped the chocolate, shoving a big, sweet piece of it inside her mouth. She sighed pleasantly as she chewed it slowly, savoring the almost forgotten taste. "This must be Heaven..."   
  
"I'll take it as a thank you." He laughed slightly, not able to hold it back anymore.   
  
"Oh you should." She said between the times she had no more chocolate in her mouth as she broke another piece apart, then her mouth was full again.   
  
A slight knock on the door made both of them turn to look at it and see the young nurse peeking inside. "Sir, you should go now."   
  
"Ok, I'll be out in a minute." He said and turned back to Sam. "I'll be back, ok? And with more candies."   
  
"Oh, you're corrupting me." She closed the bag and put it inside the bedside table drawer, right in the very bottom of it so no one would find her contraband.   
  
He chuckled and when she chuckled too, that sound made something in his belly burn and turn into wild fire. He stared at her for a long while until he broke his gaze before she could ask 'what'. "Call me to tell me when you're leaving, ok?"   
  
She nodded and gave him a smile. "Ok."   
  
"I gotta go, now. Bye." He waved and reluctantly left the room.   
  
This time it wasn't Jack going away, but Martin with a chance of coming back. This time she wasn't watching as Jack turned his back to her and walked away. It wasn't that and it wasn't Jack. Not anymore.   
  
*   
  
End of part one. If you like it, please, review it then I'll know whether you want more or not. 


	2. Chapter Two

**Axis Two**  
  
Enjoy if you wish.   
  
And don't forget to review. But please, no flames. Unless it's really necessary or a constructive criticism.   
  
Thanks Lia for beta reading!  
  
~*~  
  
~A few days later~  
  
She had called him like he had asked.   
  
Martin came to visit Samantha a couple of times more, bringing contrabanded chocolate and McDonald's cookies. He'd have brought one of theirs BigMac hamburgers but then it would be a little difficult to get inside her room with so much stuff in his hands. It was wrong to bring her food that could make her ill or, well... make her healthy none the better. Especially with all the nurses and doctors around, checking on her all the time. But oh boy, the bright smile she gave him when she saw his little gifts was definitely worth the danger of coming through the hospital staff.   
  
They had chatted for much more time since with her release coming closer there was no danger of tiring her with words. Her mouth would definitely not make her tired of speaking. Samantha had so much to talk about; so much to share with Martin that it actually surprised both of them. He never knew she one of talking so much, a blabbermouth. She wanted to know how everyone was doing even if each one of them had visited her before. She wanted to know how things were doing, how they were doing at work, how they were doing stuff without her.   
  
Martin knew very well what she really wanted to know, which was if they were handling things well without her, if she was missed. She was silly of thinking they didn't care about her. He didn't know how she went on with those thoughts in her head. He said every one missed her and none could do things right, so she should get better soon so she could go back to work and put some order in there because they really needed her. She gave him a small smile and he couldn't know if she really believed him, he only hoped so.   
  
And in one of those visits he remembered her to call him and let him know when she'd leave so he could come pick her up. She contested, told him it wasn't necessary, tried to keep her 'I-can-do-anything-alone' face but she did call him. She called him anyway and told him what day and what time she would leave. It made him happy. For the silliest thing he was happy.   
  
Now he was in her bedroom waiting as she changed in the bathroom, hearing carefully each of her movements, worried that she could trip and fall over her leg. 'No' He thought, 'she wouldn't fall. Not Samantha.' No... Not this Samantha and even if she did, she would never let him know so, never let him see her down. Not again.   
  
Martin glanced around, out of reflex, checking the room now that Sam's few stuff wasn't there anymore. The roses they sent to her weren't there anymore, the ruffled sheets on the bed weren't ruffled anymore and the empty bags of his contrabanded candies were in the garbage. Sam's bag with the few things Viv had brought from Sam's place was over the bed, already packed and closed.   
  
Then he saw the crutches resting on the white wall. It was almost as white as the wall itself and if you didn't look right you could even miss it. He walked to there and took the crutches then knocked softly on the bathroom door. "Sam?"   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"You hanging good? You forgot your crutches here." He heard her soft, annoyed sigh at the end of his inquiry. He knew she was hating the idea of needing something to lean on, something other than herself to keep her going. She'd have to use these crutches for a long while, until her leg was good again and the idea of having to use them was despising to say the least.   
  
She unlocked the door and stepped out, wearing a red top and black jeans. This time she had given in on her high heels to use comfortable sneakers. Her hand was heavily grasping the doorknob, using it as lifesaver to prevent her from falling to the floor. Her knuckles were turning white and her face held a very painful expression. He knew she was in pain and walking without any support was only making things worse.   
  
He gently took her hand from the doorknob and held it tightly in his own as he handed her the crutches and helped her to use them. "Thanks." She said between clenched teeth, the pain in her leg sending a tingle through her whole body.   
  
"Did you take your pills?"   
  
"Yeah. I'll be fine in a few minutes." She said firmly, though her face didn't hold the same certainty her voice showed. She slowly walked to the bed and was about to grab the suitcase when Martin reached out and grabbed it first.  
  
"How do you think you'll hold this bag with both hands occupied?"   
  
"I can manage."   
  
"No, you can't."   
  
Even with the weak state she was in, Samantha still insisted on showing she was fine and she could do everything by herself. She was always so tough, brave, she always let people see only what she wanted them to see and seeing her weak wasn't one of those things. She knew she couldn't hold that bag, she knew Martin knew that and still she tried to show him he was wrong, even of he wasn't. She just didn't want people close enough. And letting Martin see Samantha's truly self, mean getting attached, letting him get too close and being close meant losing him. She didn't know why she felt like that, but she didn't want to lose him before she had gotten to really know him.  
  
She had never been shot in her entire life. Sure, she had been hurt by a lot of other ways, a few she couldn't even think about, but being shot was a whole experience for her. A very unpleasant one. She always hated the pain but at the same time she liked the same pain inflicted on her because with the pain she had something to think about other than face the hard reality she lived in. It took her mind from the 'now' to the 'what if'.  
  
Bullshit...  
  
She let out a heavy deep sigh, one she was sure Martin would notice and see how much annoyed by the situation she was. Not that it would stop him from doing what he thought was honorable anyway. He gave her a sly smile and grabbed the bag then walked to the door, leaving Sam behind to walk by herself all the way.   
  
He thought that maybe - just maybe - she would see she couldn't do all that by herself and ask his help, at least until they were out of the hospital and in the security of her apartment. He opened the door and turned to her, only to watch the stubbornness of the woman he so long worshipped stumble to him, trying to get used to the new crutches. Yup, she wouldn't ask for help. She'd even fall before searching for helpful hands.   
  
Maybe she was stubborn but sure she was strong. He knew her leg was still hurting because the painkillers hadn't worked in her system yet and walking when she was in pain was a tough job, still she managed to do all by herself. And she really did. She made faces, took in sharp breathes, trembled even, but she walked all the way to the door without help. Except the crutches of course. When she reached him, Martin gave her a smile, which he hoped was bright, to let her know how much he was proud of her, of her being as strong as she was.   
  
But just outside a nurse was waiting with a wheelchair and he knew they would argue a lot before leaving Sam walk out of the hospital. "Miss Spade." The nurse greeted formally.   
  
Sam stared at her for a few seconds, not saying a word then her eyes fell to the wheelchair and she made a face. "I can walk, thank you."   
  
"Sit, Samantha. Now." Martin said with a soft but resolute voice. Samantha looked at him with her expression that always made people turn their heads down and she'd be with her hands on her hips if they weren't holding the crutches. Martin held her look, daring her with the same stubbornness she had and sensing this time he wouldn't give up and knowing she should put less weight over her leg, she sat very heavily on the chair.  
  
Martin took her crutches and walked beside her wheelchair as the nurse pushed it out of the hospital.  
  
*  
  
She woke up that same night she came home, with a sharp pain in her leg. Sleep had come very hard to her and when she had finally gotten to sleep her leg started to hurt and now it was hurting so much that it actually awakened her.   
  
Sam groaned in anger as she gingerly got up to find her pills. All she wanted was a good night's sleep in her own bed with her own things. She had slept at the hospital for too long and the comfort of her soft bed was highly welcoming. The smell of her fresh clean sheets gave her a sense of peace and made her forget about the sterile smell of hospital sheets. Her bed looked so inviting. If only her leg wasn't hurting...   
  
"Goddamn it." She muttered, using her good leg to step on the cold floor. She really needed to put a carpet in her bedroom. Using her good leg was easy but her problem was to get up fully and grab the crutches. She had been stupid enough to forget her bottle of pills over the coffee table instead of taking it to her bedroom with her. And she had been even more stupid to forget taking the two pills she was supposed to in every four hours.   
  
Well, now she had the pain to remember her that.   
  
As she reached the threshold of the bedroom door her breath was short and quick and she thought she'd faint any minute at how fast her heart was beating. She tried to concentrate on getting to the living room instead of the pain increasing in her leg. And because of the pain she had to walk slower, put less movement on her leg, what was making it harder to get to the coffee table and take her pills.   
  
When she finally found her way to the living room her cheeks were already stained with hot tears. She tried to blink away the pooling liquid but all that that move made was to make more tears come out of her eyes. She was hurting and she couldn't take it anymore and that thought almost made her melt into the couch, but too worried with her leg she sat carefully. She let go of the crutches and with trembling fingers she reached for the bottle of pills but since her fingers seemed to have life of their own, instead of holding the bottle, she let it fall to floor, rolling under the coffee table.   
  
"You fucking thing." She muttered angrily. How could she bend under the table to get that if she had that little thing going on in her leg? Hurting as much as she was, even moving her leg to rest on the coffee table was too much. How could she go under the coffee table then? "Damn it, damn it, damn it!"   
  
She had the idea of using one of the crutches to push the bottle back to her, so she grabbed it and pulled one end under the table, turning her head to look as she did so. But to her great luck it pushed the bottle further from her. Angry with herself she punched the crutch on the table with all the strength her disabled state allowed at that moment, making loud sounds echo through her apartment and the wood of the coffee table crack slightly..   
  
She had only two options, one, bending down under the coffee table and hurting her leg even more or two, calling Martin and ask for his help.   
  
And truth be told, she didn't like either.   
  
But as she thought about her options and looked at the cordless phone lying on the couch she knew she could do only one thing.   
  
*   
  
"Sam?" She heard his voice ten minutes later; feeling like all her problems could vanish with the simple fact he was around. That maybe having Martin near her would make the pain go away. She thought that the soft tone of his voice had the ability of catching her attention and making her concentrate on something else than what she was supposed to. It could work with the pain, right?  
  
She had gotten up earlier to unlock the door and wait for Martin but since the pain in her leg was too much she could not handle staying up any longer so she pulled out one of her dinner table chair and sat heavily on it. She tried to sing, to do read a lost magazine over the table, anything that could make her forget the pain. She even tried massaging the flesh around her injury but ended with not a lot of good results.   
  
Then she only prayed Martin would come soon.   
  
And now, hearing his voice was like God was listening to her. She had never been so relieved for someone helping her like she was the instant Martin's voice reached her ears. "It's open." She said with all the strength she could muster.   
  
He slowly pushed the door open and walked inside, searching for ay sign of a still alive Samantha. She had called him this late with a voice so weak and she seemed to be crying. He had never seen Samantha crying but in less than two weeks this had happened twice. He wondered if she'd forgive herself for showing any 'sign of weakness' to someone else when she wanted only to seem tough and strong and controlled.   
  
The first thing he saw was the brightness of her wetted face under the cold streetlights and the soft caress of the moonlight. Her face was slightly glistening though her hard attempts to dry it, to wipe away any evidence she might have been crying. He felt his heart ache from the simple thought that she could be in pain and he wasn't there to stop it. Maybe he wasn't but she had trusted him enough to call and ask for his help now that she actually was in pain.   
  
Selfishly he felt that stupid want to smile.   
  
She was sitting heavily and uncomfortable on the chair and visibly in pain. He hurried his pace a she started to get up to meet him. "No, no, no. You stay put." He said firmly, though gently, lifting a hand to emphasize his words and she stopped her hard movements. "You didn't take your pills, did you?"   
  
She sort of looked down, at her hands, suddenly feeling ashamed not knowing why. Receiving a reprimand for Martin was absolutely something she didn't want to. "I... I forgot."   
  
She thought that he hadn't heard her because instead of walking to her he turned to the living room and disappeared for a moment while he bent in front of the couch to grab the bottle of pills from under the coffee table. "For crying out loud, Sam." He muttered and he made it obvious he did hear her. "I thought we had a deal." His voice held the slight hint of disappointment; that little bit that is half hidden half out in the open to make you notice it and feel bad for it.   
  
"I was tired and went to bed without taking the pills, all right? I just forgot it." She spat at him, barely holding back the anger that was boiling up inside her.   
  
He stopped in the middle of opening the bottle and sighed as he looked down at her. Regaining his temper again, he softened his gaze. "I'm not blaming you, OK? I just thought you'd have some good sense and tried to believe you could take care of yourself alone." Putting down the now open bottle and two white pills on the table, he went to the kitchen and came back with a glass of cold water. He handed her the glass and she thankfully took it as she hold the pills with her other hand. "But it seems you can't." He added.   
  
She gulped down each pill with some water and put the glass on the table then looked now curious at him. "Oh, I can't? What do you mean I can't?"   
  
"I mean, I'm staying with you from now on."   
  
*  
  
Yo, second chapter done! Woohoo. Review, pretty please :-) 


	3. Chapter Three

Axis Three  
  
Enjoy if you wish.   
  
And don't forget to review. But please, no flames. Unless it's really necessary or a constructive criticism.   
  
She stared at him for much longer than was actually necessary as she waited his words to sink in. And when they finally did she let out a deep laugh. "Oh, I don't think so, mister."   
  
"Well, I don't think you're in place to say something."   
  
She gasped and looked surprised at him. "What the hell? I can very well take care of myself."  
  
"I thought so too, but obviously you can't." He said back with the same obstinacy he heard in her voice. She had forgotten to take her pills like a child and she surely couldn't take care of herself alone that way. "You can barely walk by yourself to your bedroom, Sam."   
  
He saw fire coming from her eyes as she stared at him defiantly and with a lot of difficult got up form the chair. The pills hadn't made affect yet so her leg was still hurting and Martin could see in the same eyes which there were fire in, the pain lingering her whole body. She grabbed the crutches before she could fall to the floor and used them to support her body, as they were lifesavers. She took two steps ahead but soon the pain was just too much and she couldn't stand anymore.   
  
Martin stepped to her and as soon as he noticed her downward fall he grabbed her before she could find her destination on to the floor. Attempting to protect her body with her hands, both crutches fell before herself and she used her hands to hold onto Martin instead as soon as his arms were around her. A few rebel tears found their way down her face when the pain in her leg was just too much. She tried to suppress a sob as it tried to come out.   
  
"I can't believe in you Sam..." He whispered and pushed her away only enough to look at her face. "You'd rather be in pain than to let someone help you." She didn't look back at him, as she was too ashamed by her behavior. She just used her hand to wipe the tears away as quickly as they came down. Martin sighed and put an arm around her waist as the other went to her arm and helped her to walk, putting most of her weight on him. "Come on. Let's get you to bed."   
  
Sam didn't refute this time. She just let him hold her and lead the way. She was too tired to argue anymore anyway.   
  
She woke up with the unfamiliar feeling of peace. She was so strangely calm and at easy that it was a little bit scary. As she opened her eyes to the bright morning sun, her sense of smell picked something sweet and strong. It was definitely the good smell of food but she couldn't quite make out what exactly. Coffee was definitely in the mix, that she knew for sure because coffee was what woke her up fully every morning. But then the rest...  
  
It was strange but in an odd way very good. She wasn't used to wake up with smell of food in her apartment and remembering that Martin had slept over was what made it even more odd. He probably was the one making breakfast and it was just too intimate, too domestic.   
  
She shook the thoughts away and slowly lifted her body upward, taking extra care with her leg, making sure it wasn't hurting. Martin had been very careful with her through the night. She had given him blankets and extra pillows so he could sleep more comfortable on the couch, though it wasn't really necessary because he spent most of the night on the chair beside Sam's bed in spite of her attempts to make him go to sleep. She felt bed for him, really. Martin stayed wake practically all night just to make sure she would take her pills and every four hours he would wake her up and give her a glass of water and the two pills. He'd make sure she wouldn't be in pain again.   
  
And it had results for she didn't feel any pain this morning. Her leg was stinging a bit and a little sore but no major pain. This she could deal with. She smiled to herself as she reached out her hands to grab the crutches and just then Martin entered the room. "Hey, what do you think you're doing?" He asked concerned and walked to her bed.   
  
She looked up startled by his sudden entrance. It took her a second or two to focus again and noticed he was holding a tray. "I was just going to meet you." She said still staring at the tray in his hands. Did he really make her breakfast?  
  
"Don't worry about that." He smiled and placed the tray beside her as she gave him space to do so. "I made you breakfast so you won't have to get up yet. I have to go to the FBI and you'll be alone in the morning but I'll be back for lunch, OK?"   
  
She couldn't help but smile in appreciation for his care. He was so sweet sometimes that it amazed her. He was trying so hard to make sure she wouldn't be in pain again that she wanted to cry all over again. He liked and cared about her even her being cold and bitchy sometimes. "Okay." She smiled back at him and let her eyes meet his. His eyes were so blue that she could confound them with the sky. She found hypnotized by his eyes sometimes.   
  
He gave her one last ensuring smile and turned to go but when he reached the doorway he turned back to her. "Call me if you need anything." He said seriously and waited patiently for her reply.  
  
"I won't need anything. I'm good, don't worry." And after receiving a glare from him, blue eyes becoming darker, she laughed softly. "I will call you Martin. Geez, chill out."   
  
"I just worry about you."   
  
She nodded, letting him know she did know he felt something for her, she knew it. She just couldn't let herself admit it out loud. "Thank you Martin."   
  
"You're welcome." He said with one of his mega-watt smiles and with that he left.   
  
He looked at his watch for the umpteenth time this morning. All he wanted was time to pass quickly. He had been so hesitant of leaving Samantha that morning that he almost called in sick, but he couldn't do that. Missing Persons Unit was already with one less member and he couldn't just skip work. There were people out there that needed him as much as Sam did. The only difference was that the person in question had an important space in his heart. He cared more about that tough woman than the missing persons he looked for every day.   
  
He couldn't help but feel worried about her. After she had called in the middle of the night he promised himself he wouldn't let her down again. Her voice was so weak and childlike, it held that unmistakable hint of tears and she seemed so scared. It nearly broke his heart in two for hearing her like that. He could even say that it was almost the same when he saw her in that ambulance. To see Samantha so naked to the world was somewhat heart breaking.   
  
It was only a few minutes until she had to take her pills again and he wanted to call her and make sure she'd take them but in the middle of a meeting with Jack was kind of impossible to make that call.   
  
He rubbed his eyes and let out a muffled sight. Suddenly all this job seemed so boring, so senseless. Why go to work when the reason he woke up every day wasn't there to be stared at? He knew he should feel like he wanted to help people, that was why he worked but since he met that breath taking blond she had become most of the reason of going to the FBI. She was so beautiful that became inconvenient his staring for sometimes she caught him looking at her, embarrassing him and he could do not but give her a shy smile and blush, or make some incoherent talk trying to avoid his staring.   
  
When he left Seattle to come to NY he thought that it could be stupid, that he could have made a wrong decision, leaving everything behind and practically starting over. He'd go to a place where he knew no one; he knew nothing about. But when he sat his eyes on her for the first time, that made his doubts go away and give him all the encouragement he needed to begin again. He was so relieved that it caused him trouble because of him pushing things so much caused Sam to withdraw from him so he had no choice than to back off a little.   
  
Later he had the stupid idea of asking her out. He was so scared that she'd turn him down that he took almost a year to ask her and when he did he felt even more stupid than before, he was sure that it was a bad idea. She had turned him down indeed, of course she told him he could come with her and Eric but Martin didn't want to be an intruder. He wanted to be only him and Sam, no one else to catch her attention. Selfish, he knew that but what could him do? He liked Sam, he really did and wanting her only to himself was a part of liking someone. Sharing her with another guy wasn't inviting, not at all.   
  
Maybe if he knew that she'd get shot and Martin'd be the one staying at her place, helping her to get through that, than just maybe he wouldn't have felt such a moron. He'd have laughed to himself and gone home relieved. Or at least not so down like he was.   
  
Well, none of that really mattered now, did it?  
  
Martin sighed relieved when Jack ended his speech and dismissed everybody to do their jobs. He got up quickly and pulled his cell phone out of his coat pocket, dealing Sam's number on the speed dial. He walked to his desk as he waited for her response and he was starting to feel preoccupied when she took longer than his brain was disposed to wait to pick up the phone. But when she did he couldn't stop a smile from breaking across his face.   
  
"Hello?"   
  
"Hey Sam."  
  
"Oh, Martin... I can't believe... I told you I'd call if I needed anything."   
  
"I know that. I just called to make sure you took your pills. Did you take them?"  
  
She laughed slightly before answering him. "They're in my hands right now."   
  
"Good. I just wanted to make sure."   
  
"I'm fine Martin." She said with that resolute Samantha Spade voice of hers. "I'm in bed watching bad TV, ok? I'm fine."   
  
"I know, Samantha. I just want to prevent any calls from you for a while. And you know what I mean."   
  
"Yeah, yeah." She chuckled and both stayed quite for a while, then suddenly she spoke again. "Oh, I gotta go. The commercial is over."   
  
"I thought you were watching bad TV..."   
  
"Commercial is really bad."  
  
Martin rolled his eyes and let out a breathy chuckle. "See you later."   
  
"Yeah. Bye bye."   
  
"Bye." He said and waited until the dial tone replaced her voice. He took the phone away from his ear and kept staring, almost lovingly, at it for a moment, then put it back in his pocket.  
  
Martin tried to equilibrate the bags of food in one hand as he opened the door with the other. When he got inside he used his feet to push the door close and went to the kitchen. He put the bags down and took the microwaveble food from them. He was putting the first plate in the microwave when he stopped in his tracks. He looked around; scanning the small part of the apartment he could see from the kitchen, searching for any sign of Sam. It was all too quite.   
  
Instead of turning the microwave oven on, he put the plate down on the counter and silently crossed the empty living room to the bedroom. He knocked softly on the door and opened it carefully not to do any noise and saw the sleeping Sam under the half dark room. She seemed so at peace that he didn't feel like waking her up, so he just got inside the room and turned the TV off, which she had obviously left turned on.   
  
He walked back out of the bedroom and before he closed the door, he stayed staring at her for a few seconds. It wasn't every time he got to see Samantha sleeping so peacefully like that, so calm and unaware of the world, so he would just got whatever chance he had. Looking at a sleeping Samantha Spade was a privilege not a lot of people had and this'd surely be something he'd lock in his mind with very care and look tenderly at it when he felt sad or alone.   
  
Soon he found his lips turning up into a smile.   
  
He could not help it. Looking at Samantha and not smiling was like watching the sun settle down in the horizon and not think it was beautiful. She had that effect on him; she made him want to smile for the silliest reason and made his heart skip with joy when she looked at him or even when he just felt her scent. He felt nervous only for seeing her entering whatever room he was.  
  
Looking at her sleeping like that made is heart ache, it made him feel like he belonged there, right there where he was, was where he should be. He had this feeling deep down.   
  
He shook his head; trying to make those stupid thoughts go away. As much as he wanted to be in that bed with her, holding her, it would never come true. Samantha never looked at him like that and probably never would. That was the only thing he regretted about their relationship, not being able to tell her exactly how he felt with sure that she wouldn't look away from him. He wouldn't have to hear that she wasn't interested or that she was seeing someone else, or any other kind of excuse he would feel bad about.   
  
He sighed and finally stepped out of her room, leaving enough space to close the door, but a low, murmured sound made him open it again. "Martin? Is that you?" Sam murmured with her husky sleepy voice.   
  
"Hey. Yeah, it's me." He whispered, not wanting to disturb her when wasn't necessary.   
  
"What are you doing here?" She asked, sitting upright and when she did so her leg stung slightly. "Ouch." She made a face.   
  
"Is your leg hurting?" He asked walking back inside the room and close to the bed, already worried.  
  
Sam ran a soft hand over her face, getting the locks of hair out of her eyes and putting them behind her ears. "Yeah, but just a little."   
  
"How long have you been sleeping?" He asked as he searched for her pills in the drawer of the bedside table.   
  
"I don't know. All morning, I guess. These pills make me sleepy."   
  
"I think you overslept and didn't take your pills." He finally found the bottle and took two pills from it, handing them to her. "Here. I'll get a glass of water, ok?"   
  
She nodded giving him a smile as he left the room, but soon her smile turned into a face. It was so strange having Martin with her like that, taking care of her like he was doing. A couple of hours after he had left he called her to make sure she had taken her pills but after that he didn't call again. She was a bit relieved that he wasn't over her all the time but a little disappointed that he hadn't called. She thought that that was the reason she fell asleep. Without Martin calling to make sure she would take the pills and the pills having a sleepy affect she had nothing to keep her awake.   
  
But Martin was back now and he was taking care of her again and the thought of him back home for some reason made her heart warm. 'It's only Martin,' she thought, but the truth was, 'only Martin' was the reason she was feeling like that.   
  
So guys, third chap done! Review and tell me what you think. 


	4. Chapter Four

Axis Four

* * *

She stared at Martin's Chinese take out with desire in her eyes, then she brought her eyes to the stupid plate of salad lying on her lap. She felt disgusted by the red shade of the tomatoes and the green of the lettuce, besides the sour taste wasn't doing anything to help. Martin's food? God, her belly ached to taste some of that wonderful food. She never thought she'd miss take out so much in her life.   
  
His dinner should be so much more enjoyable...  
  
"Could you stop staring?" Martin said with the calm of someone relaxed, without taking his eyes from the television. He shoved one piece of chicken in his mouth and as he chewed it, Samantha started to drool.   
  
"Just some?" She asked with her begging voice, one that Martin could not say 'no'. But he tried anyway.  
  
"You know you can't, Samantha. The doctor said..."   
  
But she didn't wait him finish his sentence for it was something he had said over and over again and she knew it by heart already. "Oh, and how the hell do you expect me to eat only 'light' food if you keep showing me all this..." Her voice trailed off as she stared again at his take out and bit her lip.   
  
Martin sighed and finally took his eyes away from the television to look at her. "You've got to go see your doctor tomorrow, right?" She nodded and he went on. "So we ask him if you can change your menu, all right?"   
  
"Ok, fine by me." She replied but didn't take her eyes from his take out and Martin noticed it. "But please, just..."   
  
"Fine. You can have mine." He said with a heavy, tired sigh and handed her his Chinese, which she took with as much excitement as a child would take their so long wanted toy.   
  
"Oh, thank you, Martin. Thank you so much." She smiled at him and it was like all the room had suddenly illuminated, as if there was a light shinning down right over them. The happy face she made as she shoved some food in her mouth was a sight to behold. He didn't care about the consequences because seeing her so full of glee was worth it.  
  
"You're welcome." He managed to say with a chuckle in his voice.

* * *

He listened to the sound of the water running in the bathroom, carefully listening for any kind of strange sound. Samantha had gone to take a shower a few minutes before and his worry about her was getting the best of him. He didn't know how she could do anything with her leg the way it was. He knew the pills were stopping it from hurting but she was still weak and putting too much weight on her leg was dangerous.   
  
Well, he couldn't get in the bathroom with her. Though he wanted to because if she tripped or her leg hurt or anything that could make her fall he'd be there. But he couldn't so all he could do was to wait and have faith in Samantha. He knew she wouldn't fall but he just couldn't stop feeling concerned.   
  
He bent forward and grabbed the remote from the coffee table. Maybe there was something on TV to make him forget about Sam for a little while. Yeah, maybe, but nothing could make him forget about her. Just as he turned the TV on, he heard the water stopping and the doorbell ringing. 'What timing.' He thought as he got up, though he didn't know what he should do first, see if Samantha needed help or see who was on the door.   
  
The door first, he decided. Samantha would be pissed if he went there to 'annoy' her as she liked to call. He walked to the door and opened it without looking in the peep hole. He was surprised when he saw Jack standing outside with a half smile on his lips. "Jack?" He shouldn't be so surprised, he knew about Sam and Jack's affair. It'd be normal if he came to her home to see her.  
  
"Martin? What are you doing here?" He asked with a hint of surprise and curiosity in his voice.  
  
"I should ask you the same question."   
  
"I just stopped by to see how Sam's doing. It's been a while since I last spoke with her."   
  
Just then Samantha emerged from the hallway, already chatting. Then she stopped talking suddenly and Martin focused on the silence that followed. "Hey, big guy, do you think you can give me a hand? I forgot my crutches..." She said loudly and added in a mockingly murmur. "... somewhere."   
  
Martin looked back at Jack and smiled shyly. "Can you excuse me? She always does that." But before Jack could answer they both looked at Sam when her hesitant voice filled the room.  
  
"Hi." She was heavily leaning on the wall for support, trying to put as much weight as she could on her good leg, but by the expression on her face the three of them could tell she was failing.   
  
There was an extremely awkward silence between them, as if none of them knew exactly what to say until finally Jack found his voice and spoke up. "Hi, Samantha."   
  
Martin bit his lip and turned his face down to stare at the floor. The tension in the room was so thick it was almost palpable and Martin began to feel as if he was intruding something. "You know, I think I'm gonna..."   
  
"That's ok." Jack said shaking his head bringing his stare from Sam to Martin. "I'm already leaving." Then he looked back at Sam. "I just stopped by to see how you were doing but obviously--" He stopped and his eyes went quickly to Martin "... you're doing fine."   
  
"Yes, I am."   
  
"So... bye then."   
  
"Bye." Samantha said back and watched as Jack turned to leave and Martin slowly closed the door, with his head down. There was a strange, lingering silence in the room, one that Samantha didn't like a bit. Being with Martin all that time made her used to have him around and talking with him. When they were together there wasn't an ounce of silence between them and it was somewhat comforting. Knowing she could talk to him like that was warming. She bit her lower lip and focused on his features, which weren't so soft any more. "Martin?"   
  
He looked up, but not at her and cleared his throat before speaking, "Yeah?"   
  
"Are you ok?"   
  
"Yeah, fine."   
  
"You sure?"  
  
He finally looked in her eyes and gave her a reassuring smile. "I'm sure."   
  
She smiled back at him just before grimacing. "Good. Can you go find my crutches now?"

* * *

He woke up with the sounds of muffled cries. First his sleepy mind couldn't make out any senses around him but as he cleared his mind he realized it came from Sam's bedroom, which he had left the door open in case she needed him in the middle of the night.   
  
She was whispering incoherent words and she sounded scared, he didn't know what she was saying but the tone in her weak voice was enough to put all his senses in alert. He quickly got up from the couch and hurried to her bedroom, walking silently inside. She was tossing slightly and murmuring something and getting close to her Martin could see the thin drops of sweat forming on her brow.   
  
"Samantha?" He called.  
  
But there was no answer.  
  
"Samantha?" He called louder but again, there was no answer and she didn't stop her murmurings. Martin propped himself on her bed, putting one arm on her other side, using it to support him. His other hand went to her forehead, where he softly wiped the sweat away and to check if she had a fever. She stirred but didn't open her eyes. With the soft hand on her skin she topped murmuring but her face still held that line of worry between her eyes. "Sam?" He whispered and again, no answer.   
  
She shivered and seemed to be crying in her dreams. Nightmares were something bad, specially when she was wounded, that worried Martin but even so he still didn't have the heart to wake her up fully. He let the hand on her forehead slide to her face, slowly running the length of her cheek and jawbone. She seemed to calm under the warmth of his touch but the nervous chill was still there.   
  
"Ssshhh." He whispered. "It's all right. It's ok." His soothing touch and voice eventually calmed her and stopped Sam's shivering. When he thought she was fine again he started to get up but she stopped him with a soft hand on his.   
  
"Don't go." She whispered in a small, childlike scared voice. She seemed so reticent and expressed need, one that wouldn't involve her being left alone. Her eyes were almost fully closed and he wasn't sure if she was still sleeping, if she was aware of herself.   
  
"Ok." He said and ran a hand through her hair, taking the locks off of her face. She half smiled half sighed and he climbed in bed with her. What surprised him the most wasn't the out of reflex move she made to snuggle into him, but the breathy sigh she let out when she made herself at home in his arms.   
  
"I'm so scared." She murmured into his neck and he felt the hot drop of obvious tears wetting his skin.   
  
"It was just a dream." He whispered and tightened his arms around her, trying to give her the comfort she was seeking. She didn't say another word after that and soon her breath had told Martin she was in deep sleep again. Soon he followed her.

* * *

She woke up with the familiar press of human body beside her. First she smiled to herself, the feeling of warm flesh against her was unconcsciously very comfy and welcoming.  
  
Right there, holding her, was Martin with one arm draped over her body, his hand gently resting over her opposite shoulder, and as if he had felt her waking, he opened his eyes and a pair of priecing blue balls stared back at her. Suddenly feeling embarrassed. Martin moved his hand almost imperceptibly across her shoulder and she wondered if he was attempting to release her before she noticed how intimately they were entwined. It hadn't occurred to her until then how warm and comfortable she'd been.   
  
"Don't." She said a bit desperately, before she'd even decided to say anything and watched as his eyes dimmed with apprehension. "I... I mean..." Softly she grasped Martin's hand to keep him   
  
from moving any farther away from her than he already had. "Don't go. I like this." She finally said with a small voice, almost embarrassed of herself.  
  
Martin didn't say anything just put his arm tightly around her again and let his head rest over the pillow right beside hers. With his eyes staring right back at her, their faces so close to each other was almost overwhelming to him. The beauty of the woman he adored since the moment he set his eyes on her, lying there in bed with him seemed to be mere games of his imagination, as if his brain was playing with him, mocking him.   
  
Her soft and warm breath right onto his face just seemed too real to be a trick of his imagination. Maybe it wasn't his brain playing with him but just the luck of a man that had prayed and dreamt so much about this single moment and it was finally coming true. He didn't care about the complications of what might be the moment after this one, he could only focus on the pretty face in front of him, her eyes almost closed, the fatigue of moment you wake up still lingering in her.   
  
He wanted to close his eyes and just go back to sleep with her right there, yet he just wanted to keep them open and stare ate her for the rest of his life. Or at least for the magical morning he was having. Really, that was probably the best morning ever. It was strange though, because he hadn't slept with her, he hadn't even kissed her but just by the fact of being there with her in his arms was enough to make him the happiest man on earth.   
  
Unfortunately all that is good has always to come to an end.... he was sure of that when, as she was unconsciously snuggling into him, his cell phone rang, startling them and interrupting the peacifulness of the moment.   
  
He bit his lower lip, not daring to look at her while he took his arm from her warm body and reached it out to answer the phone. "Fitzgerald." He said formally, his face going from soft to his business expression. Watching his face change like that, Samantha knew this call wasn't social but from someone from the FBI. The way he talked and nodded firmly and looked anywhere but her eyes meant they had a case. Martin and the team, but not her.   
  
'Not yet.' She thought petulantly to herself.   
  
Martin hung up his cell and stared at nothing for a while until his eyes went to hers. He held hat embarrassed expression when he noticed the position and the place they where and bit his lip nervously again. With the spell of the moment completely gone, Samantha sat up straight trying to be a little away from him wanting to make the awkwardness of the moment a little less tense.  
  
"We got a case." He said formally, slowly getting up too.   
  
She cleared her throat before speaking, hoping her voice would come out as strong as it always had. "Yeah? What is this about?"   
  
"A little girl went missing and the parents called for help." He said as he left the room to grab his clothes and put it on. He came back to the bedroom a few minutes later, fully dressed and an embarrassed look in his eyes.   
  
They stared at each other for a couple of seconds, neither of them really knowing what to say until Sam broke then silence. "Good luck and don't worry about breakfast. I can do it on my own."   
  
"You sure? I can do something real quick before I leave."   
  
"I'm ok."   
  
"All right. Anything call me, ok?"   
  
"Yeah." She nodded giving him a small smile, trying to hide the disappointment of him having to go. She didn't want to admit, but waking up with Martin beside her, had felt more comfortable and less awkward than she thought it would. And she was actually surprised that she thought anything about waking up with Martin beside her.   
  
"Bye." He said and waited until she had said her 'bye' to leave. 


End file.
